If I Were Going to Kill My Neighbor, This Is How I Would Do It.
A Fictional Short Story.
Copyright 2024. Olive Barker. All Rights Reserved. This story is a work of fiction. That means all names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are all used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is coincidental. No part of this work may be reproduced, stored, or replicated in any way.
Four weeks. It’s been four fucking weeks since I’ve lived at my new apartment, and already regret it. Had I known the level of irritation that I was going to experience when moving here, I would have stayed at my previous apartment, despite how much more expensive it cost. You can’t put a price on peace.
For context, each building in my apartment complex has 8 units inside them. I live in one of the front-facing units, which faces the parking lot. Since our building is in the back of the complex, the back units face a wall that separates our apartment complex from the next.
Our complex doesn’t have assigned parking, but I can usually park right in front of my door. Which I like for two reasons. One because I can see my brand-new car and two because my dog won’t bark continuously if my car is out front, he only does this if someone else’s car is there.
Why does he bark, you ask? Well, the first reason is simple. He’s a dog. A puppy, actually, and so he kind of does what he wants. The second reason is that there’s a big window right next to my front door that faces the parking lot, and so when my neighbor decides to park in my spot and shine his headlights through the window for 30 minutes each morning at 5 am, my dog doesn’t like it.
And neither do I.
My neighbor does this despite the fact that the parking lot is usually empty, and he can park elsewhere, he does not. He wants to park right next to my door, which is nowhere near his door.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
If I could break my lease, I would break it immediately. I know that sounds dramatic, but honestly, when you live in a peaceful neighborhood, the slightest inconvenience can piss you off at times. I just keep telling myself, there are only 9 months left until my house is somewhat livable so that I can move into it.
But for now, I’m stuck here with my neighbor, who insists on being a pain in my ass.
It’s almost as irritating as when you park your car in the back of the parking lot away from everyone, and you come out of the store and there’s a car next to you. Like, why the fuck did you park next to me? Did you not see the 600 other parking spots available for you to park in? When that happens to me, I honestly want to slash their tires.
And if you’re reading this, and you do this to people, back the fuck-up. Stay away from us. This includes in the parking lots, in the lines at stores, and in the hallway. Learn the definition of personal space.